5:15am: *Buzz* There goes the alarm clock, that stupid thing! I hate it! Time to head for the gym. I wonder if anyone will notice if I go in my pajamas?
5:16am: I fart on the way to brush my teeth. I'm such a delicate lady. I'm glad I packed my backpack and laid out my clothes last night.
5:18am: Backpack in hand I head out the door sure that the alarm system is off so I don't wake up everyone in the neighborhood with the blaring siren that is our system.
5:20am: On the way there listening to NPR. I don't have the energy to change the station. Damn! I think I forgot my Y card. I'm gonna get the scowl from the front desk lady! She has a mustache.
5:28am: Arrive and parallel park. It's too early for that shit!
5:33am: Unload my stuff in my locker, put on my sneaks and head for the cardio room.
5:35am: I begin the stationary bike. I think I made the pedal straps too tight cause my toes go numb in 5 minutes. The televisions are on closed captioning but my eyes are still blurry so I can't read anything. The music isn't on yet so I people watch. The gym is a great place for this. People crack me up! There's an older woman who's running on the treadmill. She looks goofy because her knees are pressed together and her feet are flying all over the place. He he. There's a college guy trying to lift weights and study for a test at the same time. Should've studied instead of hitting the cantina last night buckaroo. My body is starting to wake up a bit, my blood is pumping and I'm starting to sweat a little. Please wake up feet, I need to move.
6:00am: I head for the eliptical machine. I am IN LOVE with the eliptical machine. Someone please tell the husband that I want one for xmas. The only one open is between two people. I hate being so close to other sweaty people! I input my age, weight and duration, I hope nobody saw that! I begin and am enjoying myself for a few minutes when out of nowhere the guy next to me, a man in his early to mid 50's starts jamming to his ipod. He's singing Avril Lavigne's "Girlfriend". He knows no one else can hear the song right? He's pumping his arms pretty fast and tossing his head back and forth. How stupid is he??? OOoohh the music just kicked on! YES!! Timbalands "The way I are". I start pumping my arms, bouncing my head back and forth and biting my lip. I'm such a loser! Uh oh, I have to fart *squeezing my butt cheeks together*, what the hell did I eat last night? Spinach salad! Didn't realize that would make me gassy. 30 minutes later I'm down 400 calories, SCORE!
6:30am: Heading to the locker room to change into my bathing suit and head for the pool. Damn, all the lap lanes are full. There's an old man flirting it up with a woman. "Yo!....old man, the lane's for swimming not foreplay with grandma."
6:35am: The water feels wonderful! I begin my laps. This is my favorite part of the Y. Swimming is relaxing, soothing and invigorating. I notice a swarm of old men sitting on the tile bench next to the pool. They're checking out any woman withing eye shot (by eye shot I mean 2 feet). I know they're checking out women cause one shouts in the other's ear "I said, she's got a great, ass!" Dirty old men. I guess the Y is to senior men what the clubs are to college guys....a mean market.
7:00am: Has anyone noticed that everyone looks ridiculous in goggles? Almost done with laps, I'm completely out of breath and my nose is burning cause I've had a few shots of chlorine water up my nostrils.
7:15am: Out of the pool. Man, I hate this part. I'm so self conscious about getting out of the pool. I hold on to the bars, start to climb out and wonder if everyone in the place is looking at my big ass saying "gross". Swim suits are the devil.7:18am: I pull back the curtain to the women's locker room and there's a woman showering naked. I immediately look away but still noticed the amazon bush. Trim that shit back woman! I must be extremely modest cause I DO NOT shower naked with complete strangers. I shower behind a curtain like nature intended! It's all hot and humid in the shower room and I can't get my jeans up my legs cause they're stuck to my ankles.
7:25am: All dressed and headed out. A blast of autum air hits me as I open the door. I breathe a huge gulp of air. AAAAHhhhh my body feels wonderful.
7:35am: I'm back at home now and ready to start the day. The house is buzzing. T.V. on, kids running and screaming, toys and cheerios littering the floor. It's good to be home.Hope ya'll have a great day! Happy hump day :-)