Monday, April 7, 2008

The Green Eyed Monster

The other day I took the kids to the library. I was standing there trying to keep Bear from biting through a stack of magazines while simultaneously reminding Birdie that a library is not the place where you should declare "my butt itches" and then commence a dig in your underpants while sticking your tongue out and grunting. A couple of other mother's came in, one of which was my friend Lysa and another mom from the mom's club. It wasn't even an official mom's club type playdate but when you live in a small town and it's raining outside, it's not a far stretch to assume that you will run into other mom's who are just as desperate as you to get the hell out of the house called Dodge.

Sarah had her baby girl with her, who is just about a couple of months old. In other words, still super tiny but not so tiny or fragile that you wonder whether her bones are made of jello. She was not making things easy for her flustered mother who was trying to entertain her big brother. It's been a long time since I held a tiny baby so I squirted my hands with Purell and offered to hold Evie to which Sarah responded with a look of complete adoration and relief. I scooped Evie up and couldn't believe how small she was and how much she smelled like a brand new baby doll. She snuggled her head right into the crook of my elbow and let out a baby gurgle and I swear to God I felt my milk let down which is strange cause I haven't breastfed in nearly a year! But that sensation, it's so strong and overwhelming. I could feel the pounding in my breasts as I swayed her back and forth until she fell asleep.

She was sleeping peacefully when Bear paused momentarily from her tower of leggos and caught a quick glimpse of me fornicating in all sorts of ways with a child that was NOT her! She lept up and raced across the room leaving a trail of books, puzzle pieces and gold fish crackers behind her and when she reached me immediately started to scream and attempt to climb up my legs. "NO! What the hell do you think you are doing? You are mine, for me, as in nobody else better come near you or else I will bite through their jugular and tear shreds of skin from their faces. Put her down, now, I said NOW!!!!"

Okay, so she's only 17 months old and couldn't say all that but she was screaming and shaking and pounding her fists. And a stream of "words" was spewing from her tiny little mouth and I couldn't understand what she was saying but I'm pretty sure it was laced with profanity. Evie, like most second children, was oblivious to the commotion so I put her in her car seat and turned my attention to Bear. The veins in her face were protruding from her forehead and she was sweating profusely. And I thanked GOD that she is my last child because if I had the audacity to try for another one, I have a sneaking suspicion she would break into their room at night and smother them with her Care Bear!


  1. You make me laugh (Carebear!!!!!!) That was absolutely true though! Bear is very territorial over her Mommy and she sure didn't like you holding somebody else! It's too bad because Evie was so content with you too... But Bear did not want her anywhere near her Mommy ( I saw the "Stewie" look come out from her! ) I guess Mommies aren't up for trades or sharing!

  2. No kidding! What amazes me is that she isn't that way with Bubba or Birdie. It must be directly only at children that don't share her blood line!

  3. hehe - Oh how I miss the days when I was theirs! Now they are 'theirs' or in the case of my oldest his girlfriends - I love reading about your outings and your daily adventures with the younglings!


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