Saturday, April 12, 2008

I Think I Need Adult Diapers


It's been a busy few days. Thursday I woke up at 4:30am and didn't stop moving until 9:30pm. And then I crash landed across my bed with my shoes still on. But that was okay because Bubba woke me up 2 hours later and it was a good thing I still had my shoes on because I had to run out and get him medicine at 3 in the morning. He had a cough and was a little feverish.

We've all been a little under the weather. My allergies kicked into full swing yesterday when the temperature reached 70 degrees. It's like a twisted joke that the weather would be so beautiful and the only way I can enjoy it, if only slightly, is by enduring a runny nose, itchy eyes and constant sneezing. The sneezing has taught me a lesson, though. Apparently, I need to tone up my kegal muscules because I peed my pants...TWICE! I was thinking to myself that I need to be sure to give my ol' kegals a workout one of these days and wondered how funny it would be if I stood in the middle of the cardio room at the gym with my arms spread while squinting my eyes as I tightened my pee muscles and people would ask what the heck I was doing and I would reply, "oh, I'm strengthening my hoo ha muscles and soon they are going to be able to bench press 300 pounds and pull a small truck across a 100 foot obstacle course." And then I started cracking up at the thought of the YMCA offering a "Kegal" class alongside the spinning, aerobics and yoga classes. Do you think they would look at me funny if I suggested this at the front desk?

But I did enjoy the nice day. I took the kids outside and let them frolick in the leaves and dig for bugs and throw rocks into the woods. The only one who wasn't having a good time was Spencer. I swear the sunshine is cryptonite to that damn dog because at my suggestion of his napping on the warm deck he ran and hid in the corner. I had to pull him up and drag him across the kitchen and he still threw a fit so finally I had to hold a gun to his head and threaten to feed him Mamaw's leftovers.

And speaking of Mamaw. Remember when I told you I was going to make her a cake for her birthday? Well, I told her this and she brought over a cake mix and frosting so that I wouldn't have to run to the store. I made the cake and started frosting the two parts together and licked my fingers and the frosting was the most disgusting thing I've ever tasted and I was all, what the hell kind of frosting is this (it had no label) and she says, "why is it bad? I was worried about that cause it's about 5 years old!" I immediately started to scrape it off but she told me to leave it there, she would eat it. And she did. The WHOLE cake! Then she had the gauld to accuse my homemade pizza of being the culprit of her nuclear diarrhea. Lets do the math: Nobody else who ate the pizza got sick + nobody else ate a whole cake with expired frosting = Mamaw is a loony.

Howie comes home tonite, well technically tomorrow. He arrives at midnight. He says the conference has him beat. He's been in Vegas for 6 days and says he only saw the light of day once that entire time! They took them out to see the Blue Man Group and Circque Du Soleil but he slept through them both. Probably because neither one of them featured nekked women girating and slithering along a pole. *snicker* I'll say this for sure; I have a whole new respect and adoration for single mothers and people like Mapletree (aka woman with nerves of steel). How they deal with raising 3 or more children on their own as a full time gig is beyond me. Kudos to all of you because after a week alone I was ready to stand on the corner of the nearest highway and start tossing the children into open car windows as they wizzed by.

*Scratch*
*Wheeze*
*Sniff*
*Sneeze*

Well, shit. I guess I better go change my pants...again! If any of you truly love me you will drop by with a basket full of Claratin D and adult diapers :-)

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