Monday, July 21, 2008

What's Up Today

Forecast for today? Mostly cloudy with a guarantee of showers. And what does this mean for me? I finally get to spend a day inside! Bubba went to summer school this morning and will be gone until noon. Birdie is taking golf lessons until noon and that means that the house will be empty. Oh wait, I forgot about Bear. Damnit, just when you think you've got em all farmed out one sneaks up on you. I think it's time she went out and got a summertime job. Like lawn mowing or power washing houses. They could pay her in goldfish crackers and fruit snacks.

While it was a busy weekend, we did get a lot done. We set up the trampoline and pool and did some more work on the playscape. I don't know if I posted this or not but some friends of ours gave us a playscape that they weren't using. They don't have kids and don't want kids for a while so they told us to take it. I told them that they were tempting fate because getting rid of something that big would insure that she would be pregnant in the next 5 minutes. Like that time I gave away our baby tub, swing and bouncy chair. I dropped them off at a friends house, went home and threw up and realized that I was pregnant. That Murphy's Law sure does know how to take a dump on me. But our friends like to live life on the wild side and gave it to us anyway. It was a dingy gray color so I power washed it, sanded it and painted it. I didn't want to paint it the traditional red or stain color. No, I wanted something a little more dramatic so I colored it red, yellow, blue and green. It looks like a freakin circus in our backyard. We're not quite done but when we are, I will post a pic!

Aside from the yard work I managed to get a full week worth of cleaning done in the house in just 2 days. I don't even know how it all got done because I put my brain on auto pilot and let my body do the work. I had to snap out of it when Bear locked herself in our guest bathroom. We have a drawer that opens parallel to the door and she went in, closed the door and then opened the drawer. She was locked in and completely melted down. She was banging on the other side of the door while letting out blood curdling screams. I had no clue how to get her out but I knew that I needed to do it quick or else she would shove laundry down the toilet or start shaving her arm pits. I could only get the door open about a quarter of an inch and tried to use a toothbrush and a pencil to push the drawer shut. That didn't work so I finally used a knife. I jammed it into the side of the drawer and got it shut thereby released the prisoner from her solitary confinement. She was white and her eye balls had popped out of their sockets. She ran to me and clinged to my shoulder for nearly an hour. And now she's going to be afraid of confined spaces and when I put her in her crib at night she will be all the bars....they're closing in on me. She'll start drinking 90 proof applejuice in the afternoons and wearing nothing but black. Then she'll write rage filled poetry on her etch a sketch and start ignoring her imaginary friend. She's ruined!

Well, I should get to stepping. The older kids are gone and I finally have some silence and peace in the house. Well, unless you count Minor who at this very second is chewing on my feet. I know I can have him de-clawed but can I have his teeth removed too? That way when he tries to take a bite out of my ear at 2 in the morning I would only feel the slight massage of his toothless gums. I'd just have to teach him how to drink out of a straw.


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