Thursday, December 11, 2008


It's Christmas card time again, that time of year that I dread with serious revulsion. I LOVE getting Christmas cards. I just don't love sending them and that is mostly because I have kids. And what do people expect from people with kids? Pictures!

I am NOT a good photographer but even if I were a talented professional I would still have problems. Those problems being my three squirrely kids! Have you ever tried to get three kids to sit still at the same time, pose for a picture and smile. It's damn near impossible.

Let me put it this way, if you don't have three kids and you want to know what it's like, go out and get three hungry, squirmy little pigs. Smother them in K-Y jelly and try wrestling them in a tub of jello. And even then you would only come PARTIALLY close to what it takes to wrangle my spawn.

I was lucky because my friend Shari (who has a nice camera and a lot of pity for me) offered to take some pictures for us. She did a great job despite the screaming and crying and obscene hand gestures. What can I say, I got carried away. And the kids were horrible too! She did get a few good shots which I am posting for you to see. If you are on my Christmas card list please pretend to be surprised when you see them!!

The best picture of them looking at the camera. Bear isn't smiling but at least her head isn't spinning around and she's not vomiting pea soup like in the other pictures.

Notice my horrible fake tree in the background. It might look more natural if I actually spread the branches out instead of leaving them completely horizontal.

Another picture included on our Christmas card. I think it's the sweetest thing. It gives meaning to our "hugs and kisses" line on our card. I tried to convince Shari that a picture of me and Howie tongue wrestling would have the same effect but she seemed to disagree. You know how picky those artists can be about their "work".

She also said my kids don't kiss right in pictures. I haven't taught them how to give the money shots yet so we'll have to make due with this one.

The last picture on the card. I love Bubba's expression and I think Bear's smile is adorable. She looks so sweet and innocent. Don't let the picture fool you!

I want to say a special "thank you" to the unathletic anaphylactic mom who took these pictures whom without I would have spent over a benjamin buying stinking Christmas cards for people who will look at them for two seconds and then chuck them in the garbage. Instead I got my cards for the incredibly discounted price of $28.50! I love you Shari. Alot! And not in the "like a friend" sort of way. In the "taste of her cherry chapstick" kind of way. *wink*


  1. Gorgeous pics! Look at Bear's lips! My goodness, she is the Angelina of the preschool set! Is it wrong to be jealous???

    I had to do separate photos of the boys because we all ran out of patience before we got a decent shot of them together. Why kids think that looking like they are pushing a big one out resembles smiling is beyond me!

  2. You're not the first one to make the Angelina Jolie reference :-) So, you think I should stop with the silicon injections already?

  3. I just read your blog...
    we can't see each other anymore.
    You have crossed the line. Not just crossed it- I think it was more of a running leap- world record style. It was nice knowing you.

  4. LOL! You have me cracking up in damn near every blog. I'm going to have nightmares of toddlers with spinning heads and projectile pea soup vomit now, cheers.
    Your kids really are adorable though!
    My sister and I were total asshats when my parents tried to get us to pose for Xmas card pictures... actually, we're 23 and 25 and we still are, and they still try.

  5. Thanks Carolyn. So what you're saying is that there's no hope of a decent Christmas card in our future? Damn, and I was thinking next year might be the year!


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