Thursday, April 23, 2009

Tom Tom

Yesterday I took a little jaunt to some outlet stores. Shari had been telling me about them for a long time but I kept thinking it was too far of a drive. You see, that's what happens when you move to a state the size of Connecticut; suddenly any car ride that takes over 15 minutes is considered a "long drive".

When I lived in Oklahoma it wasn't uncommon to drive 4 hours just to go shopping. Everywhere I went took forever and a day! But now? Well, if I can't be there in under 15 minutes I don't bother! Not to mention that I am directionally incompetent. I can barely find my way home from the supermarket! In my world, sending me on an excursion to a store I've never been to is akin to dropping me on planet Mars and telling me to find water. It's gonna be ugly. And I'm going to die of thirst before I get there.

Turns out, it's only a 35 minute drive to these outlets and while that still seemed like quite a hike, I was willing to put in the time in the efforts of saving money. You see, The Children's Place outlet has these incredible discounts for kids clothes and the temptation was just too great.

Plus, Howie got me this nifty little gadget for Christmas: a GPS system. I didn't use it for the first few months because I tried it once and the guy, "Tom", gave me the wrong directions and I ended up somewhere in bum fuck, Connecticut. I didn't trust "Tom" after that. He didn't make a good first impression and anyway, I like to play hard to get.

But he's been growing on me lately and so I decided to ask Tom for his help in finding the outlets. He did a great job. So much so that I think I now have a crush on him. He kind of has a sexy voice when he says things like, "in 400 yards, turn right" or "you have reached your destination."

Actually, I think he's kind of flirting with me because at one point I swore he said, "Licha, what are you wearing?". But when I gasped and looked in his direction he changed his tune, cleared his throat and said, "keep left."

I think Howie may regret getting me involved with Tom because now I can't see needing Howie's help at all when I'm behind the wheel. Not now that I have "Tom." And seeing as how it's always been Howie's job to tell me where I'm going, I can't see how there won't be any jealousy on his part.

He probably won't care. Because he knows I still need him to help me turn on my cell phone and use the remote control!


  1. this is such a funny post...our sat navs come with female voices...but had to be reprogrammed cos men don't like listening to women give directions (i swear...true story) i can't imagine what i ever did without tom story (and i will stand by it to the death) is that my brain is filled up with really critical no room for directions i may or may never use....of course i can quote the cost of most groceries in every supermarket in a ten mile radius, know word for word every childs plays and poems, know every big brother contestant...but directions...nope!

  2. Haha. This was amusing!

    My family has a TomTom and I use it quite a lot. They're so lovely and helpful. And I think my boyfriend has the same complex with TomTom as your husband does. Don't need him anymore!

    Now if they just made a machine that opens pickle jars and reach high places, I'd be set.


  3. Our version of the GPS has a female voice. We took her to San Diego with us and I swear, at one point, she told us we were dumb f*cks cause we weren't turning around. :) They should come out with a cursing version! I would love to see what happens to road rage when your GPS is treating you like I do my husband when he isn't listening to me! Maybe we should all wear bullet proof vests?!?

  4. My Connecticut relatives are wusses. They'd never even been to NYC til we insisted on going...and then we took a tour bus! We think nothing of driving up to San Francisco (a 6 hour drive) for the weekend.

    And I hate being told what to do, so I use MapQuest instead of GPS.

  5. 35 minutes a long drive?
    Licha, living over there on the East Coast has warped your brain. 35 minutes is a quick jaunt!
    And just think - it gives you a chance to spend more time with Tom. (waggling eyebrows)

  6. I covet those things. I am directionally challenged too, so I think I need one!

  7. I got a GPS for Christmas too! Mine's a Garmin, though, not a TomTom. He's much less flirty, although I do enjoy listening to his Australian accent =]

  8. Ok, the iPhone isn't expensive people. The cheapest AT&T has right now is $99. My parents make good money and it shouldn't be a problem. What is a problem though is that stupid mandatory $30 data plan that must be paid every month and there's no way of escaping it. What do you think I can do?

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