Friday, August 7, 2009

Six Weeks

I went back to the chiropractor today. He twisted me and cracked me and contorted me into all kinds of pretzel shapes that hurt so good.

I tolerate it because while it may be uncomfortable at the time, I almost always feel immediate pain relief by the time I'm walking to my car. Howie thinks it's a bunch of bull shit. He pokes and jabs at me about seeing my "witch doctor" as if Dr. Feelgood lights a candle, dribbles me with wax and then cracks an egg over my head to ward me of evil spirits.

Honestly, I wouldn't even care if he did because he's THAT good! I just want to have feeling back in my hand. It's obnoxious! You know how it feels when you sleep on your arm and when you wake up it's all numb so you start shaking it, rubbing it, poking it and sneaking up on it from behind and shouting "boo"? That painful feeling of tingling as it comes back to life, yeah that's how my hand feels and according to Dr. Feelgood, will be feeling that way for the next 4-6 WEEKS!

Yeah. I did a number to my arm. This obnoxious feeling has been driving me crazy for 5 days. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself for SIX WEEKS! I keep touching it to make sure that it really is numb and I have a masochistic desire to slam it hard with a hammer or run over it with the front tire of my minivan. I figure one of two things is going to happen. Either the finger wakes up or it dies completely and falls off. I could "accidentally" get it caught in the chainsaw this weekend while I'm doing yard work. I might be able to qualify under the dismemberment column of my insurance policy and while I won't quite fill out my winter gloves like I used to, I'm sure I'll feel better when I'm wiping my tears with all of the cash from the insurance settlement! So...dismemberment or permanent damage? Either would be an accepted alternative to the current electric shock treatments running through it right now.

Six weeks? Seriously? SIX WEEKS!?!

1 comment:

  1. Ooh, I think an episode of ER turned out badly due to a dismemberment clause. Just sayin'.

    I keep throwing my hip out of whack, so I know it is time to make an appointment. I want a new chiro though, mine talks so fast these days that I suspect he has found a white powdery hobby!

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