"Do you Licha, take Howie to be your lawful wedded husband? Do you promise to love, honor and be faithful to him? Will you love him in sickness and in health, in good times and bad? Do you promise to wear yellow and gold on football Sundays and wave the terrible towel in jubilation of a touchdown? Do you vow to from this day forward renounce all family and friends who are Ravens or Browns fans? Do you promise to love the Steelers until death do you part?
And with those two little words, I sealed my fate. Because you see, I married into a family of die hard Steeler fans. And the band of gold guaranteed me membership into a fraternity of loud, superstitious, crazy people. They hazed me by making me repeat the word "Monongahela" until my tongue fell off. And then they branded the Steeler logo on my ass.
So you can imagine the buzz that's been going on in our house since last Sunday! Mamaw has not washed her jock strap since last week's game and she's starting to reek!
We're sort-of having a Superbowl party on Sunday. And by sort-of, I mean that I told Howie to invite people and he hasn't because he's just not sure he will be able to concentrate with people around. And he needs full concentration, you see. Because if he loses focus for ONE nano second, the team will not know what to do and they will start running aimlessly around the field, running into each other. Because the game depends solely on Howie's ability to KEEP HIS COOL! Everybody knows that!
I did manage to invite a few people and I plan on serving Pittsburgh food that will be sure to clot our arteries by the end of the second quarter. Nothing shows more team spirit like a minor cardiac episode!
I still need to outfit the house with our Steeler decor. You know, like the pendant and the miniature Three Rivers Stadium. Stuff like the Steeler pillows, the neatly folded terrible towels and bobble head dolls. Stuff that screams "classy and elegant."
While the house will be decorated, we are not allowed to wear Steeler gear. Because we weren't wearing any during the last two games, and they won. Which means that we can't wear them on Superbowl Sunday because it would cause the universe to lean slightly to the left and then the whole house of cards this thing is riding on will fall to the ground into a million pieces. And the guilt for letting his team down would haunt Howie forever and on his death bed when someone asks him what was his biggest regret in life he would say, "ruining Superbowl XLIII by wearing a non-sanctioned Steeler jersey!" Yes he would.
I kid, but I have to admit that I am very excited! Today I accidentally cut my finger with a paring knife and I bled. In black and gold!
Finally, here is a little something that you Steeler fans will enjoy, a little skit mocking the often mispronounced name of Troy Palomalu. WARNING: Watching this video will mean that the song is stuck in your head FOR A WEEK STRAIGHT! Watch at your own risk!