Friday, April 20, 2012

How's This For Honesty?

I felt so encouraged by your comments about my censored post.  I thank you for that! I think that people are generally moved when I combine my love of God with my brash honesty.  It's far reaching.

I've felt for a few months that God really wants me to move this blog in that direction, to be completely honest about my struggles, about what he teaches me day to day.  It's really hard though.  I have a tendency to do this thing where I put myself out there all naked and exposed and then run back and hide in the bushes. I hide with fluff posts and things that I think people want to hear. But that isn't always what I want to write about.

I started this blog as a "mommy blog." I wrote about the challenges of being a stay at home mom and used it as way to vent and get support from other moms.  It served it's purpose.  Thing is, I've changed so much over the last few years.  I'm still a stay at home mom and I will still write about that but the focus of my everyday is God.  Some of you are going to like hearing that and some of you are not.  Some of you will unfollow because you're afraid this blog will morph into a "christian blog" and I will throw a snake at you, start talking in tongues and ask you if you've accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior.

I'm not going to do that because that's not who I am.  

I'm just a girl who was living life all about myself and then one day out of nowhere, without even looking for him, God showed up and I resisted his advances. He came along as I was walking down a lonely path with bags slung over my shoulders, a backpack on my back and dragging thousands of pounds of luggage and he said, "let me carry all of that for you, all you have to do is walk next to me." I looked at him like he was crazy and said, "no thanks, I'm fine."  He persisted and since I was so overwhelmed with my life, I handed everything over to him and in doing so found happiness and love.  Don't ask me to explain it, I can no sooner explain how it happened, how it felt, what it looks like than I could describe to you the exact certainty that makes me love my husband or my children.  I just do.

Since then, I've been trying to figure out what this Jesus all about.  I don't know everything.   I'm not in the business of forcing people to believe what I believe.  I'm not a fan of door to door, street corner or shove down your throat evangelism.  You might; however, catch glimpses of God through me. Since I'm fairly new to this loving God thing, I'm not going to judge you because I am too busy plucking the logs out of my own eyes to be able to see any twigs in yours.  When it comes down to it, I'm just trying be be a better person.

I'm going to try to do what I feel God has been asking me to do for months: "Just write."  I really hope you come along for the journey, if nothing more than to watch my freak show and point and laugh at me when I will undoubtedly trip over myself.  I'll admit that this feels really scary, that being all exposed and honest will be hard.  I'm going to tell you all of it.  You're going to hear all the dirty details and you will probably judge me for it.  Just know this, I'm a work in progress and I'm thinking you can probably relate to that.

13 comments:

  1. No matter what you write about, you are excellent at it. I found this to be very inspiring. Am going for a walk now to hand a few things over. Just write.

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  2. Your honesty and directness is refreshing in a world where so many are searching. I've been a Christian for as long as I can remember. Raised in a Christian home, went to Sunday School, youth group, church camp...all of which was great! But it is in my everyday living that I find I learn the most about God and His unwavering love and faithfulness. Being in constant communication with Him each and every day has gotten me through more troubles than care to remember. Remembering that God has a sense of humour (He created it after all!)and knows where we're coming from makes Him a friend like no other! You go girl!

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    1. There is something so refreshing about not being the only one who is struggling. If anything, that is what I hope to share on this blog. I hope that people can come here and go, "thank God it's not just me!"

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  3. Honesty is so hard to find nowadays. So glad that you are following God's "nudges" to be transparent. I, for one, soooo appreciate your willingness to share so openly. You are helping me to step out rather than "run for the bushes"!! Keep it coming!!! :)

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    1. It's hard to be honest to admit to the dark feelings and thoughts but I think they are there for a purpose. If I think about it, pray about it, study about it, chances are I'm going to come to a place where I can make some better decisions.

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  4. Good for you! I am a pastor, but the longer I'm in ministry, the more I feel I don't have any "pat" answers. We're all on a journey.

    Based on what you have said recently, I thought you might appreciate this cartoon from the Naked Pastor - one of my favorite cartoonist/theologians: http://www.nakedpastor.com/2012/04/17/spiritual-transitions-coach/

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    1. I just followed him on Twitter. Look forward to reading more! Thanks!

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  5. I, for one, am very excited to come on the journey. I start my day with your blog (and FB, of course, God forbid I might miss something). I am at a crossroads myself with my relationship with God. I do alot of reading (or try to, I should say) about the history of Christianity, the Gnostics, the early Church and how things have come to be the way they are in religions today. It's hard for me to believe that what Jesus preached and what his followers tried to continue ended up in a bunch of man-made rules and rituals.So I am very interested in this topic and can't wait to read! Just write and I will read! xxoo

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    1. I love the conversations we've had about this! I think honest conversation is really good! Being a history buff, I love the historical part of the bible. There are so many times that I'm like, "oooooh, now I get it!" I love it when I have those "aha" type moments as Oprah would say. Lets get together and chat!!

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    2. Yes now that the children are back at school (ahhhhh) we can get together again. Fridays are usually always good for me! And you're right honest conversation is good, especially when you can explore an interestin topic in depth without fear of judgement.

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