I've felt for a few months that God really wants me to move this blog in that direction, to be completely honest about my struggles, about what he teaches me day to day. It's really hard though. I have a tendency to do this thing where I put myself out there all naked and exposed and then run back and hide in the bushes. I hide with fluff posts and things that I think people want to hear. But that isn't always what I want to write about.
I started this blog as a "mommy blog." I wrote about the challenges of being a stay at home mom and used it as way to vent and get support from other moms. It served it's purpose. Thing is, I've changed so much over the last few years. I'm still a stay at home mom and I will still write about that but the focus of my everyday is God. Some of you are going to like hearing that and some of you are not. Some of you will unfollow because you're afraid this blog will morph into a "christian blog" and I will throw a snake at you, start talking in tongues and ask you if you've accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior.
I'm not going to do that because that's not who I am.
I'm just a girl who was living life all about myself and then one day out of nowhere, without even looking for him, God showed up and I resisted his advances. He came along as I was walking down a lonely path with bags slung over my shoulders, a backpack on my back and dragging thousands of pounds of luggage and he said, "let me carry all of that for you, all you have to do is walk next to me." I looked at him like he was crazy and said, "no thanks, I'm fine." He persisted and since I was so overwhelmed with my life, I handed everything over to him and in doing so found happiness and love. Don't ask me to explain it, I can no sooner explain how it happened, how it felt, what it looks like than I could describe to you the exact certainty that makes me love my husband or my children. I just do.
Since then, I've been trying to figure out what this Jesus all about. I don't know everything. I'm not in the business of forcing people to believe what I believe. I'm not a fan of door to door, street corner or shove down your throat evangelism. You might; however, catch glimpses of God through me. Since I'm fairly new to this loving God thing, I'm not going to judge you because I am too busy plucking the logs out of my own eyes to be able to see any twigs in yours. When it comes down to it, I'm just trying be be a better person.
I'm going to try to do what I feel God has been asking me to do for months: "Just write." I really hope you come along for the journey, if nothing more than to watch my freak show and point and laugh at me when I will undoubtedly trip over myself. I'll admit that this feels really scary, that being all exposed and honest will be hard. I'm going to tell you all of it. You're going to hear all the dirty details and you will probably judge me for it. Just know this, I'm a work in progress and I'm thinking you can probably relate to that.